What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). 33. I was the cook.. An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine. If pilots screw up, they die. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. Military Aviation Archives - The Aviationist Marine: Wait, stop. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? We were inspecting several lots of grenades. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. We have one or two in here! My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. Home Blog 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition). When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. A soldier and a marine were walking through the woods one day when they came upon a bear. He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. 3. ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. Our Teams Favorite Pilot Jokes - AOPA She has a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Alabama in Huntsville. ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. ", The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number. The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. Adding one, came from my saw carrying ARMY soldier: How many Marines does it take to fire a machine gun? Why do optometrists set their clocks to military time? Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Pilots 5. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. The INFANTry! Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? Mother, as you know, I, too, am a captain in the Air Force. One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. Military Jokes Military Humor - StrategyPage For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. It helps to keep the pilot cool. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? Rodrigues? One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. Dear Soldier, If youre having a rough day, remember the most important thing in life is to be yourself. Every one knows the definition of a good landing is one you can walk away from. 27. Airman: "The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside!" Soldier: "No way, you guys had air conditioners? Unless you can be Batman. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? What does ARMY mean to you? They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? SUB sandwiches! Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. The sailor calls out and says, In boot camp, they taught us to wash our hands after taking a leak. The Marine replies, In our boot camp, they teach us not to piss on our hands.. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. Germany's military 'Zeitenwende' is off to a slow start From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. 65. Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. It was PRIVATE. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. Military Jokes March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. Navy and CG Say HOOOOOYAH! Its got to be the Air Force because theyre U.S. AF! While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. Thanks.. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. F-16.net - The ultimate F-16, F-22, F-35 reference Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. S | Engine found on right wing after brief search. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. 11. [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. You might be in the Coast Guard if your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. 3. Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. USN: Helos I was very nervous, she said. Marine: Wait, stop. ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? They all originally set out to become Marines. My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. 54. The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. Please do not leave children or spouses, 14. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. Turn it off and watch the pilot start sweating. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. Meanwhile, the sergeant glared at the others. Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. Its a NO FLY zone! A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. You will not live long enough to make all of them yourself. Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math? Theres a post recall and he has to go to work. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. The reason? St. 35. 10. Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. Pictures Archives - Aviation Humor The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . Do not attempt to shave with fire. He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. Military jokes - Pinterest The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. They know how to take up space. Countdown to Iditarod 2023: Tributes, jokes and celebrations as mushers To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. Yes, she said. 100+ Best Army Jokes And Puns | Kidadl When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. 5. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. Better Housing, Health Care, Pay and a Call for National Service Needed The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? Marines Say OOOOORAH! Why were the Marines invented? The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. Turns out we were supposed to shoot around it, not hit it. Patrick McSherry. Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. You know you cant outrun a bear, right?, The soldier said, The way I see it, I just have to outrun you.. Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two".

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